My recovery has been a crazy ride, filled with some struggles but also a ton of incredible gifts that I never experienced. What started out as the 'end' of something, has revealed itself to instead be just the 'start'! I began my sobriety to stop, but have learned that sobriety is actually a green light, a freedom to actually do something that I had given up on, LIVING AGAIN. The fear of the losses that sobriety meant to me turned into a never ending supply of gifts and friends and growth that I never expected. But another thing sobriety has given me is 'solutions', or at least the knowledge that 'solutions' existed, I just had to be open to hear them, receive them, try them and live them.
The hardest part of this journey was the admittance that maybe "I' was not the answer to my problems. I thought I knew why I drank like I did. I thought I knew what was best for me and everyone else. I thought I knew how my family should feel about my drinking, and I thought I knew best how to deal with my issues. I had no interest in hearing what you had to say. You didn't understand my situation, you didn't understand my plan, you didn't realize that I had this under control and if you would have just left me alone, I was about to fix these things. You never realized that you were actually such a big part of my problem. I was wrong.
This recovery thing finally started to work for me when I began to shut up and listen to someone, anyone, other than myself. When I finally opened up just a little and started to admit that maybe, just maybe I could use a little help from others. When I just tried a little to accept something new and something different whether it made sense to me or not, I began to see that there were other options in my life. When I began to admit that my way really wasn't working as well as I had hoped (major understatement), and that maybe something different might be worth exploring is when I my recovery began to really roll.
The solutions were out there for me. There are countless individuals that have figured this thing out, and are living a happy, unbelievably fulfilling life, available and willing to share their solutions with me for free. Why am I always so reluctant to try something new when my way isn't working.
The answers and solutions I need for my recovery and sobriety are there. I really don't have to work very hard to find them. They don't cost money, they are a phone call or a conversation away, and surprisingly, they work!! I just need to be willing to try them.
I thought you were the problem. Correction, I KNEW you were the problem. You, my work, my car, my financial situation etc etc were all the external factors that made me NEED to drink. It wasn't me, and if I could just figure out how to change you and all of the those external things in my life that were out to get me, I would be happy, and I wound't have to drink like I did. I was wrong.
Try new things! I heard it so many times before. If my way wasn't working, then try something else. And quit trying to make up the solutions from scratch. The recipe has already been perfected. I just need to read from the menu, listen to the options, and pick the solution that best fits my life. It wasn't until I opened my damn ears and shut my inner egotistical, self-centered, always right, never wrong closed minded bully that I found what I was looking for and what I needed.
To all of you that so freely gave me this, to all of you that helped me, to all of you that reached out your hand to pull me up and walked with me......thanks
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